The road is far from Hell
by chamoon
Summary: OS - The story stand directy after Season 5 finale, ep 22. What does Dean think when he's alone, without Sam, and he doesn't have anything left? He doesn't have any other choice than review the last events, and this is painful. Thinking well, the scene had a hidden sense, and these only thoughts help him to move on.


**This is a translation of my OS "La route est longue jusqu'en Enfer" so, as you can see, I'm a French Writer and English isn't my native language, so please be understanding. I wanted to share this story with you and I did my best to translate it. I surely made some misspellings and maybe the grammar isn't always right but this is one of my first English story.  
>Hope you'll enjoy it anyway!<strong>

**Disclaimer: I own nothing (unfortunately…) but the story.**

**And please, tell me what you think about it because I would really like to know what is right and what is wrong in this story or with my English!**

**Enjoy!**

Sat on the Impala's driver's seat, staring into the void, expressionless, and hands on the wheel, the young man was trying to make sense of things while driving. He had the feeling his car was moving by itself, because he barely watched the road. He didn't want to think of it, he couldn't. He was terrified to suffer more, to feel more pain, more sadness, more despair. He had enough, of everything, of this life. He wanted to die, but he couldn't allow himself. He only wished to stop seeing these scenes over and over in his mind.

The hunter closed his eyes, very tightly. It had always been a sort of reflex for him, which he couldn't explain. Maybe all he wanted was to escape this awful reality, this horrible show his memory was given to him. But this time, it was a way to hard for him. He couldn't do it... How could he? He just lost the most important person in his life, the one he loved the most. He could remember Sam's expression when it happened. He reminded everything, with all the details. Sam and he used to be so close, with only one look, they were able to say if something was wrong with each other. So, Dean directly saw the message his brother tried to send to him before he jumped in the pit. This last look he gave him, it said: "I'm not doing this only for humanity, I'm also doing this for you. Be careful. Remember, you promised. Goodbye, be brave... I love you." Of course, the Sammy he knew wouldn't ever have exposed his feelings for his brother because, in the Winchester's family, we don't say we love each other, we show it. And that was exactly what Sam did, he died for his brother to live, for him to have some hope in a world darker than Satan's heart, for he could finally have this life he plenty deserved. All this was beautiful, of course. But that was painful, so painful he couldn't even say how much. Somehow, he'd rather it happened another way, if Sam had to die anyway, then Dean wished he was gone with him. _**It's not Adam you should have taken with you, it's me**_, the young hunter thought. Roles suddenly turned around, and it confused him so much he was unable to do anything good. He was - or had been - Sam's big brother, he should have been the one who was supposed to sacrifice at the end, he had to protect him, it wasn't only a mission, it wasn't just a simple promise, that was a need, it was kind of _who he was_. But he failed, one more time... But, even if he wished he hated himself, he couldn't. He blamed himself of course. But it'd been Sam's choice, and protect him, watch over him meant trust him and let him take his own decisions too. The only thing he regretted, well, he wasn't quite sure about it but the truth was, he didn't know what to think anymore, was that he made this promise to him. It was the only thing which held him… He could have broken it but that would mean betray his little brother and that never happened to him. He always held all the promises he did to him. Without any exception. _**"I'll watch over you, Sammy, I swear it. Even if it's the last thing I do, I'll be right here for you." **_This one was one of the latest. _**"I'll make sure you have the life you deserve, I'll do everything for your childhood to go on as long as possible, for it to be peaceful and normal, as you can wish. Because you deserve better than what I had, at least I can help you for something, even if I can't bring mum back." **_This words, he said them when his brother wasn't even two, he probably didn't even remember, but he did. He kept that wish as long as he could. Now this words were nothing but a distant memory, wind, nothing else. What sense could they still make? The person they were for wasn't here anymore, and he wasn't coming back. However, he would keep the promise he did to Sammy. Even if every little piece of him wanted to die or look for a way to find his brother, he was going to do exactly what he said he'd do. He was going to try to have a _normal life._ A luxury which had only been granted to Sammy. He didn't know if he ever was going to admit the fact that he was going to have a _home, _and that he wouldn't share it with his pain in the ass little brother. And it hurt very badly, almost as much as it did when _it _happened.

When Lucifer beat him down, he did everything he could to remember that it wasn't Sam inside. He was about to die and he was fully aware about it, but instead begging him to stop, like he did for his father five years ago, he told him it was alright, that he would be fine, that nothing he committed was serious. He didn't do it on the purpose to help Sam remember but because he didn't want his brother to suffer because of him, imagining that maybe he was dead thinking that Sam killed him, or worse, that he blamed him or criticized his decision. He wanted to make him understand that he didn't take rigor and that it wasn't his fault, after all, he had been the one who broke the first seal. In the manner of Sam's last look, Dean hide a message in his words. He whispered to him that he loved him and he would stay his little brother, forever. Even if he destroyed the world, killed billions of civilians and burned the whole planet.

And Sam remembered. He regained control over his body. It wasn't because life of thousands people rested on his shoulders, or because he was going to put an end to an entire era, or even because he was going to watch it all, no. He came back because he understood his brother would die if he didn't do anything, that Dean would shoulder pain again and he would probably feel guilty during his whole life, considering the fact he didn't put an end to his days before. He screamed, tore apart, hit for so long in this body which wasn't his anymore, which wasn't anything but an empty corpse now… Lucifer endorsed every single shot without even stumble, Sam would never thought he could do it then the devil himself started beating his brother, he put him in a terrible state, just after he killed his friend and the person closest to a father to him, right in front of his powerless eyes. Fury, hatred and all the anger he had inside him multiplied, he became incontrollable. He could see himself killing Dean, every shot hurt him as much as him. He won when his big brother pronounced the words which saved humanity, when Sam burst into tears while he tried his best to hold Satan's fatal punch ready to befall on Dean. The hunter was leaning against the Impala, this car which contained their entire childhood, their memories. They never had a _house, _a real one. No home. They never complained about it. They never knew anything else than life on the road. Of course, they wished they had a home, but we always want what we can never have, don't we? This lifestyle didn't disturb them, because deep down, they had a house. Chevy Impala 1967 was their landmark, as long as it was there, every single place they went was their home. All this details it contained, they were their story. Humanity would never know how much this car was important for survival. Seeing some items, like his little plastic soldier or signs the Winchester boys engraved on the car body, Sam saved the world. Everything came back to his mind and submerged him like a giant and destructive wave, he felt Lucifer went out of his body, let it go, he fought too but that wasn't enough. When his spirit and his will came back on their body wrapping, he just said two words to Dean. _**"I get him." **_Because, he got Satan, he bent him to his will, against all the waiting, he'd been strong enough. He didn't panic, he cast the spell and joined the rings unhurriedly, because he knew his mind was right here, deeply rooted in his body. With Dean, his bloody face besides him, reminding him what would happen if he let it go, there was no risk for him to yield to the devil, at least not soon.

It's true, their story seemed even more tragic as we felt like the Winchester brothers didn't have enough time to say goodbye. But that was wrong, they had the opportunity to spend few more seconds together, since they couldn't say everything they wanted to say, separation wasn't as abrupt as it had seemed. While these few seconds they will always remember because they were the exactly representation of the fraternal love they had for each other, each of them delivered a message, as a look, or as a word. _Goodbye._

These thought made Dean smile, he opened his eyes and a tear rolled on his cheek. He had to live, and he had to smile, for Sam.

**A little review maybe? Just to tell me your thoughts about it! Thanks for reading!**


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